I think sadness is a response to a loss of some kind, a lost or broken connection. I think human beings long for connections of all kinds -- with other people, with animals, with objects, with beauty, with God -- and when we lose a connection, we feel sadness. I think sadness wants to reconnect with what's been lost, and it wants comfort, which is a reconnection with one's own well-being. When someone I love dies, I want to reconnect with the loved one, through touch, and talking, and simply being together; I want to reconnect with the lost loved one both physically and emotionally and in soul ways.

I once heard a speech at a men's conference by a Brazilian shaman named Martin Prechtel, who said that American culture does not grieve fully. His people say that when someone dies, we must cry them a river to get them to the other side. Until we've done that, the one who has died cannot find peace, and neither can we. That makes a lot of sense to me.

In the four-quarter model we use in Shadow Work®, sadness is the "gateway" to the Lover archetype; that is, when sadness comes up, your Lover comes into play. (For more on the four-quarter model, see The Shadow Work® Four-Quarter Model at the Shadow Work Seminars site.)

What a Lover wants is to connect through feeling, and I feel closest to friends with whom I've shared my deepest feelings.

One obvious way is in the eyes, where moisture in the form of tears speak of sadness. Another common way is in the stomach or belly, where a heavy or leaden feeling signals "the blues." Some people will feel a lump in the throat, or a trembling in the mouth or lips or jaw that seems to signal a wish to cry. Some people feel a desire to curl up, as a baby would. We often say a sad person is "down," and that is often the tendency of the body, to look down, to sink downward.

If you can become familiar with the way sadness shows up in your body, it can give you useful information. That is, the body symptoms can tell you you're feeling sad when you wouldn't otherwise be aware of it. And once you know you're sad, you can be more conscious of what you can connect with.

I have often been surprised to find I was feeling sadness when I thought I was merely tired. The difference becomes clearer when I lie down: if I feel a pleasurable relief to be lying down, I'm probably just tired, but if I feel no pleasure at lying down, chances are I'm sad about something. Becoming aware of sadness is sometimes risky, and I think that's why it isn't always clear right away that I'm feeling sad. For me, there are two risks in sadness: first, it feels as if it might continue forever, and I might never be happy again; and second, if I admit I'm sad, I'm admitting that I've lost something I cared about, and there's no guarantee that I'll regain it.